KING KONG'S BACK
Copyright © Geoff Allnutt (The Speech Painter) 1995

 

King Kong swam away from the island
This wasn't another sequel in which he came in chained
This was real and this time it was personal
He'd lost the lizard he used to lounge around with
Lost his one and only friend
How would he ever meet someone else like Godzilla?
Sure they fought harder than the thriller in Manilla
But who else could he give a friendly slap
Without it ending in a broken back
With who else could he party, feel totally at ease
Get drunk to jungle and funk and bring a city to its knees
Then take in a curry and check out a striptease
He thought life was as good as it could get
The horror of his life before he was starting to forget
But thenGodzilla was blown to smithereens
And with that explosion went all of his dreams
Of retiring to a ripe old age
Again he found himself returning to the world's centre stage
But he'd had enough in the last few pictures
Of imperialistic circus men turning him into a freakshow
Sure he was on a mission but he didn't want to go
He had no time for capital cities
Yeah he'd been up the tallest buildings in the world
But he weren't no tourist
He didn't come with no poxy camcorder
He came with chaos, mayhem and disorder
That's what they wanted and that's what they got
But it always ended with him getting shot
And spilling his blood in the streets
Dying nobly in pain and defeat
But not this time no more bullets in the chest
No more losing the girl and feeling depressed
No more falling down and not getting up
Barely breathing at the final cut
For this film would come with a different script
Honed and polished thoroughly rewrit
He'd control it all even the money they were spending
It would be darker more explosive with a much better ending
He owed it to Godzilla not to let history mistreat itself
Godzilla meant more than some cans on a shelf
His life was tragic and there were some lessons to learn
Have you ever smelt a giant lizard's flesh burn?
Godzilla was born on the 1st of March 1954
The H bomb at Bikini gave birth to his roar
And when scientists tried to kill him he razed Tokyo to the ground
But what he should have done was turn the other way round
And take on the USA because they were to blame
For they scorched his atoll with their blast and then flame
And as a result he exhaled radioactive breath
When he whispered sweet nothings he bought only death
Which is why after forty years of spreading radiation
Godzilla tried to hide from the world in splendid isolation
So both Kong and Godzilla needed to get away
From the pressures that fame had put in their way
Like all true movie stars Kong was never left alone
There was always his agent on the end of a phone
Telling him he had a project that would break the mould
Challenge the stereotype the public had been sold
Inject a fresh lease of life into a sagging career
With thrills, chills and spills then destruction and tears
"Sign a twenty picture deal and the rights to your name
Then you can shoot four films a year as long as they're the same"
Kong was typecast and that was that
Sure it bought in ten mil a year and a penthouse flat
But something was missing so he joined Godzilla on his new found atoll
Where both could hide from papparazi and not resort to battle
But then Godzilla was vapourised by an underground test
And King Kong found himself with a few things on his chest
Now he'd been in enough disaster movies in his time to know
This weren't no end of the world volcano erupting
This was some serious special effect and it needed interrupting
And if France wanted to hide behind some sovereign red tape
It had better be ready to deal with a pissed off 50 foot ape
And King Kong planned as King Kong swam
More of the monkey less of the man
Reported sightings were dismissed out of hand
Scientists refute what they cannot understand
People were told that he wasn't real
But when they saw him boy did they squeal
Hundreds said Kong was them in a bear skin suit
All small time hustlers all machismo and Brut
Then Kong hit France and his force was felt
The way a boxer feels a blow below the belt
He surfed up just outside Biarritz
A sort of D Day landing meets the worst of the blitz
He beat on his chest and let out a cry
Ate everything in sight and drunk the town dry
And like all true horny guys who find themselves abroad
He went out on the pull for that one special broad
Someone dainty and barely dressed
Someone to love protect and caress
He paraded the beaches but she wasn't there
Then somebody suggested he try the Follies Bergeres
So he stopped a truck said give me a lift
And if you want to see your kids again better make it swift
Cause I've got a hard on that needs to be nursed
I'm here to save the world but this comes first
He burst through the door saw her can-caning away
More Madonna than screaming Fay Wray
She had an attitude that shone right through
Her fishnet stockings and sheer tutu
Sort of don't try it, cause I'm in control
I might be here for you but I don't sell my soul
Kong scooped her up into the palm of his hand
Stood on the stage and instructed the band
Told them to go for it wake up the town
Shake the foundations with a bit of James Brown
Together they dances as It's a Man's World played
Kong spilled his heart through that soulful serenade
Told her he'd be back for her didn't want to see her hurt
He could hear the sirens start their full scale alert
And he didn't want to see her used as a pawn
To capture the King so the game could be drawn
He was playing to win playing for keeps
Risking his life whilst half the world sleeps
A monkey's got to do what a monkey's got to do
That isn't a cliche it's actually true
He had a meeting with destiny and one with Jacques Chirac
Godzilla might be dead by King Kong was back
Coming to a cinema near you soon
King Kong's Back a tale of genetic mutation
Coming to a hospital near you soon Leukaemia
An everyday tale of background radiation
Kong prowled the skyline brought Paris to a halt
Except for I'm all right Chirac's army who stood their ground and fought
He stood in front of oncoming tanks told them he wouldn't budge
You might be able to kill peaceful protesters but not an ape with a grudge
French commandos gas and kill
Anyone who dares stand still
But King Kong sprung, ducked and dived
Whenever they cornered him he survived
He swatted planes like flies for breakfast
He hated their pollution
Exhausted by exhaust fumes administer a sudden execution
He tore up the pavement in the Latin Quarter
Struck out with bricks bowled wholesale slaughter
His weapons were economical and eco, boomerang bananas
He was cheered on by Algerians Morrocans students and farmers
There were cries of smash the state smash the state
Paris was re-revolutionised it was just like 68
But Chirac ignored them thought of De Gaulle
He was on the road to Damascus and he was Paul
In the face of love France had to be strong
Like all true politicians he was never wrong
He was in the shower singing Non, Je Regrette Rien
An aggressor had shown up and he'd thought up a plan
That's why they spent so much and invested in Cruise
So he could point it at anyone with a different set of views
He'd save France from the ape invasion
Show them who was top dog head of la maison
They met at high noon on the Champs Elysees
Each one vowing to blow the other one away
They stood at twelve paces each ready to draw
Chirac with a missile King Kong with a paw
Kong had more experience he'd had hundreds of fights
His weight was with him and so was his height
As quick as lightening he knocked Jacques out
Picked up the missile as the prize for the bout
On the Arch De Triumph he did a victory dance
As the new world heavyweight crowned King in France
With Chirac in one hand and the bomb in the other
He posed for the press told them hold the front cover
He wasn't quite finished yet
He wanted some time alone with Jacques
Well they'd only just met
He wanted him to apologise for the Rainbow Warrior
If he screamed sorry for an hour he'd want him sorrier
Wanted France to stop stuffing geese as well as crating cattle
Wanted the end to the exclusion zone round the Mururoa Atoll
He wanted him to suffer, wanted him to cower
Throw him off the top of the Eiffel Tower
So up Kong climbed right to the very top
A present for Paris in each hand, but which would he drop
Perhaps the world would remember and forever be impressed
If this was the next sight of a nuclear test
Perhaps the world needed to witness another explosion
To study radiation sickness and soil erosion
Maybe they needed to see Paris laid to ruin
Before they could question what they were doing
Hey Jacques Chirac let's see what it can do
I can drop one little bomb
Or I can drop you
Let's see what it does to the shining metro
One little bomb and everything's retro
One little bomb and the Seine's full of skin
Floating off the bodies of the people jumping in
A load more hunchbacks no more Notre Dame
No Mona Lisa and no more man
King Kong found himself losing control
About to achieve the opposite of his own stated goal
He'd been in therapy for quite a long time
To deal with aggression when it hit the red line
So he counted to ten told himself to be calm
Did he really wish to cause so much harm
Make a martyr out of Chirac? No he wanted him alive
He wanted Jacques' cry on the hustings to be boycott and survive
So he put down the missile and let go of Chirac
Turned to leave civilisation and was shot in the back
Paris gazed on as Kong fell to the ground
An almighty crash then not a single sound
It wasn't the airplanes, beauty killed the beast
For as King Kong lost consciousness he dreamed of peace
He wasn't scared of death he had nothing to fear
He knew he'd turn up in another epic set in Korea
Or he'd be a smash inChina sell out in Iraq
For the world would one day learn
That the monster's come back